it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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