I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
