So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
