I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
