Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
