I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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