apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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