Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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