good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
