Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
