Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
