i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
