It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
