Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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