If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
