sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
