Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
