i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
