Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
