this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
