in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
