does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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