you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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