I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
