walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
