Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
