You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
