I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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