I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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