i think my mom watched the whole time
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
