I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
