So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
