Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The air was thick with penises
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
