There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
