Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
