Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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