but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
