Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just forgot I was standing up.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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