marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
