someone threw a dead crab at me
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
