Can Purell be used as lube?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
