I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
