brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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