so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
