so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
