ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
