you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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