Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
