my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
