were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
