Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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