Welp...herpes.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
