i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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