I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
