her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
