So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
