dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
What drink are we having for lunch?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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