I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
