omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
