im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
