Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
