Taylor Swift is so right about you.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
