the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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