this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
